Panic

I am very nearly shaking with fear. It's in two months.

I've been back and forth with worry today. I choreographed the rest of Miss Brown's, so now I only have two more sets to choreograph, and I felt almost relaxed. That's like, a month to make up two more (short!) dances, and a month to practise. I thought it was doable. I thought I should have been taking a big deep breath and chilling out.

But then I did the worst possible thing I could do and read over a former candidate's diary, just to see how she was getting on two months before. Well she'd finished all her sets and steps but was still struggling with the writtens, so I felt neutral. Then I read her account of the exam and not passing, and I started to get hot and shaky. She retook the whole thing and wrote about that too, which of course I read because I'm a sucker for punishment, and again - panic.

I really don't mind retaking dancing and teaching if I need to. I don't imagine I'm going to pass outright first time. It's just that dreaded 50% - this girl taught all the time and got under 50% on the teaching, what hope do I have? The only hope I have is that I can talk, so hopefully I can blunder through if I can explain my way.

I can't afford to take it all again, it's so very expensive and it's taken me over two years to save up just for the exam - I haven't even thought about how I'm going to pay for travel and accommodation (and new legs) yet.

Oh my god. I can't take two whole months of this panic. I've genuinely considered downgrading to the TMRF. What if I injure myself before then? Like, the day before or something?! So much to worry about.

At least I haven't started dreaming about it yet...